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Children’s BBC Continuity Saturday 2nd December 1989[]

Phillip Schofield: The Chuckle Brothers Are Back On BBC1 And They Are About To Deliver Yes Indeed! Here They Are It’s The Return Of ChuckleVision!

This page is a Transcript for the ChuckleVision episode Stand and Deliver from Season 3[]

(The episode begins with a bus coming past The Chuckle Brothers who are at a bus stop talking to each other)

Paul: You do realise were moving into a new field?

Barry: Wont that be a bit drafty?

Paul: No a new field. The world of big business.

Barry: I dont think i like the sound of that.

Paul: Oh here. (Signals for the bus to stop so the can get on it but the bus keeps going past. Paul watches it go past in disappointment)

(Pauls hand is facing towards Barry) (Barry shakes it)

Barry: (Smiling) How do you do?

Paul: (Angry) Gerrof!! (Breaks free from handshake)

Paul: You see the business world

Barry: Yes?

Paul: Is crying out for new ideas

Barry:  Oh

Paul: For a new approach. All that you need is a clever mind

Barry: Well where do we get one of those?

Paul: Well we could pi..... (Now angry) How dare you! I've already got one!

Barry: Oh. I should have known.

Paul: (Points to a bus) Oh! (Signals for the bus to stop again but the bus goes past again. Paul watches it go past again). You see what we got to do is to think laterally.

Barry: I tried that once but it made my neck ache (Tilt head to side) Oh its awful. (Points to neck)

Paul: Not horizontally. Laterally. (Points to a bus and does the same thing as last time but fails. Watches it go past in disappointment). You see what we need to do is to think in a compleatly different direction.

Barry: Oh.

Paul: Come on. (Paul goes one way and Barry goes the other way) (Paul realises Barry is going the other way and runs after him) Hey! (They meet up) Where you going?

Barry: Thinking in a different direction. (Paul puts arm round Barry)

Paul: No thats just like you. Always trying to get out of hard work. 

(There voices fade out as the ChuckleVision intro comes in) (The ChuckleVision intro plays) (Once intro is done it transitions to the episode) (Barry is seen coming out of the shop with bundles of leaflets. He puts them on a pile while Paul is reading the paper. When Barry goes to get more Paul grabs one bundle and sits on it and continues reading the paper.)

Paul: (Mumbling) These will do. (Now talking) Thats the idea.

(Barry puts the last few on the pile)

Barry: Thats the last of the leaflets. What are we gonna do with them all

Paul: Well the carts are over there. Put them all in there

Barry: (Quietly) Oh right (Barry put the leaflets in the cart) (Barry then checks to see what Paul is doing) (Paul is startled) What you doing?

Paul: Um...Well its obvious isn't it. (Paul quickly hides newspaper and gets map out).

Barry: Is it?

Paul: Im planning out our route (Looks at map)

Barry: (Picking up a bunch of leaflets) I thought ..clees had routes?

Paul: They do and so do postman.

Barry: Oh (Puts the bunch of leaflets into the dustbin collector's cart thinking its the cart Paul built then goes back to Paul) Paul. Iv'e never seen any.

Paul: What?

Barry: Postman's routes.

Paul: Well they keep them in the sacks

Barry: Course they do silly me

Paul: Silly you. 

(Barry goes to put another bunch in the dustbin collector's cart. He goes back to paul)

Barry: What are we gonna do with this lot anyways?

Paul: Oh were gonna deliver them. Their for the builder down the road. And he said when we are finished with that lot he will give us some more. You know what i always say.

Barry: What's that.

Paul: When one door closes.

Barry: (Thinking) You can't get in.

Paul: Correct

(Paul continues looking at the map while Barry is looking for the last pile of leaflets)

Barry: I could have sworn there were more than that?. (He notices Paul sitting on them) Paul?. Can i have them?.

Paul: Oh Certainly (He stands up. Barry grabs the bundle)

Barry: Thank you (He goes to the cart Paul made as the dustbin one is gone. He puts the bundle on looking confused) Paul!?. (Paul comes over repeating Barry's exact words earlier on)

Paul: I could have sworn there were more than that! Oh well (He put's the map onto the cart) Cue on. (Barry grabs the cart and carries it. Transition into tha shot of a bakery with a baker coming out with a tray of cakes. Paul and Barry walk past but stop) Oh hey. Will stop here. I'll just pop in and get us a snack for later alright?.

Barry: A snack for later! Great! (The baker from a few seconds before walks back into the shop) Can't wait!. (Barry is looking through the leaflets) I'm starving. (He put's them down. Paul comes out with a tart and a bag of doughnuts)

Paul: Here you are look. I've got some doughnuts for afterwards (Barry mumbles doughnuts in the background) And i got this for now because i felt a bit peckish.

Barry: Great!. (Paul put's the custard tart on Barry's hand but grabs it out of the case and greedly eat's it himself)

Paul: Hehe. (Barry show's a unhappy expression and decides to crumple the case and throw it onto the floor. Paul notices. He talks with his mouthful) Hey!. Litter!

Barry: Oh sorry. (He bends down to pick it up but at the same time the baker comes out of the bakery with another set of cakes. When Barry comes up he knocks into the baker and the tray of cakes he has on him get splattered on him but Barry does not notice while Paul does. Barry grabs the cart and Paul grabs the bag while they walk off. The baker looks angry. Transition to the shot of a street with Paul and Barry walking with the cart)

Paul: Come on!.

Barry: Hey it's a big cart.

Paul: It is big, I made that myself.

Barry: Well it's very nice.

Paul: It is isn't it?.

Barry: Oh.

Paul: This is the life isn't it eh?

Barry: Isn't it?

Paul: Out on the road.

Barry: Oh right.

Paul: This is it. This is where we start.

(Barry stops the cart)

Barry: Hey what does this lot say anyways?.

Paul: Well look there you see (He grabs one of the leaflets to show to Barry) Theirs the builders name and this is his slogan.

Barry: Oh yeah!. (He grabs one and reads) "Any job that you want done. Call on us were number one. Nothing is too big or small........Needs something else (He thinks) I know! My name's Barry his name's Paul!

Paul: Great! (Barry put's the leaflet back) But only do that last bit if you asked.

Barry: Oh,

Paul: Now let's distribute them.

Barry: How do we do that?.

Paul: Well you just post them through peoples letterboxes

Barry: Oh i see.

Paul: And just to make it fair. I'll do all down this side of the street and you do number 60.

Barry: Only number 60!?

Paul: Yeah.

Barry: That's very fair

Paul: it's very fair isnt it?.

Barry: Where is number 60?

Paul: Just there (He Points to it. Barry realises he means the Number 60 in the flats)

Barry: Oh.....

Paul: Well come on! Get on with it! And No Slacking! (He grabs a bunch of leaflets) I'll see you in the park in 5 minutes. Go on.

(Barry grabs the cart and pushes it ouitside the flats. Paul watches in a dissaproving manner. Barry stops the cart and looks at the flats again to see how tall the flats are/ He wipes his forehead and pushes the cart forward an inch. He stops the cart and the cart tips over onto the floor with the leaflets. He stops after he hears the noise but then carries on. He puts a few back onto the cart and leaves some in his hand. He runs inside to post the leaflets. Scene cuts to Paul who is still holding the bag of doughnuts walking through some trees)

Paul: Huh. That didn't take long at all. Time for a quick snack i think. I wonder how Barry is getting on? 

(Paul walks offscreen. Scene cuts to the bench with Paul appearing. He sits down on a bench)

Paul: That's it. This will do nicely. (He sets the doughnuts down) Put i.....(He wipes the bench to find it dirty) Oh just a minute it's a bit dusty that. (He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hankerchief) Ooh hankie! (He unfolds it) That will do. (He lays it flat on the bench and pats it) That's fine. (He starts to sneeze so he grabs the hankerchief and blows his nose on it. He lays it flat again) That's better. Now then. Let's have a look now what we got? We got...(He pulls the doughnuts from the bag and puts it onto the hankerchief in a neat line) One for me and one for Barry. One for me and one for Barry. One for me and one for Barry. (He drops the last doughnut on the hankerchief but grabs it and puts it into the corner) That's it. Nice little picnic.(He disgards the bag) I'll think i'll have one of mine now. (He grabs one of the doughnuts and eats it. Scene cuts back to the flats where Barry is seens sped up going in and out of the flats with leaflets. He does this 3 times. When he is done he puts the leaflets back onto the cart and tilts it upright. Then he pushes it offscreen. Scene cuts to Paul who is on a swing. He doesn't look too happy. He checks his watch.)

Paul: Where is he? He should have been here hours ago? (He spots him) Oh there he is!

(Scene cuts to Barry who is nearby. He is pushing the cart. He lets go causing it to tilt and fall then heads over to Paul)

Paul: Where have you been!?

Barry: I've been pushing leaflets through peoples letterboxes in the flats

Paul: So!?

Barry: Well the lifts were out of order so i've been running messages for the residents. You know my names Barry his names Paul?

Paul: Oh it worked then?

Bary: Yeah but not as hard as me. I'm tired out. I'll think ill have sit on the swings.

(Barry attempts to sit on the swings but Paul stops him by pulling his arm)

Paul: Oh theres no time for that.  (He holds up the bag of doughnuts) Just time for a quick doughnut then back to work.

Bary: Oh.

Paul: We've a lot more leaflets to distribute.

(Paul opens the bag and takes a doughnut out)

Barry: Ooh look at that. 

Both: Doughnuts!

Barry: Doughnuts!

(Paul stares at his doughnut)

Paul: I love doughnuts. Ooh look at that.

(Barry grabs the bag to see if there is still one there but there isn't. He empties the bag and even sticks his hand in but there isn't even a crumb. So in annoyance he crumbles the bag and chucks it onto the floor then acts casual and looks to his right. Paul notices and taps Barry on the shoulder)

Paul: Escuse me! 

(He points to the bag onto the floor. Barry bends down to pick it up then relises something. He moves closer to the doughnut thinking Paul might give him a bite.)

Barry: Looks very nice!

Paul: It is very nice! (Paul takes a big bite. The jam squits onto Barry's face. Paul notices) I've had enough of this now. (He throws the doughnut onto the floor. He stands up and walks off) Come on. Back to work. (Barry looks unhappy. He picks up the rest of the doughnut and walks off with it. Scene transisitons to a street with Paul and Barry coming from around the corner. Barry is pushing the cart while holding a hankerchief) 

Paul: Walk this way!

Barry: I'm just trying to get this jam off my face!

Paul: Keep it strai....Theres no jam on your face you've got it all off now! (He snatches the hankerchief of Barry and puts it back into his pocket)

Barry: Oh.

Paul: Keep it straight!

Barry: I'm trying.


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