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Transcript

(The Chuckle Brothers enter into the office, where a water cooler is)

Barry: Here it is.

Paul: Well, It can't be much wrong with it. I made it myself.

Barry: Well, according to the report, It's not keeping the water cold.

Paul: (fixes the part of the cooler) Fixed it.

Barry: The tap drips

Paul: (fixes the taps) Fixed it.

Barry: And finally, there's a small green newt swimming about in the tank.

Paul: I wondered where Lesley had gone. (He sees Lesley, the newt inside the bottle) Hello mate, we've been looking all over the place for you.

Barry: It's going to be a messy job getting him out of there.

Paul: Oh you manage that all right.

Barry: What are you're gonna do?

Paul: I gonna sit down and put me feet up. (he does so in an office chair and puts his feet up on the desk) It's a long walk down the stairs.

Barry: Well I had to climb them as well.

Paul: Ah yes, but you lighten me. You know. I always fancy myself as a boss of a big company like this. Ordering people around.

Barry: You do that anyway.

Paul: Get on with it!

Barry: See?

NS: Um, Excuse me. I know you must be busy.

Paul: Never a minute's pace.

NS: I'm the maintenance manager. The builders have just arrived to put in a new basement. (He sets down a blueprint of the building)

Paul: Oh I see.

NS: And they wanted to know if you have any special requirements?

Paul: Me?

NS: Yes.

Paul: Well, I'm allergic to penicillin and I don't like brown bread.

NS: About the basement? (Barry accidentally squirts water onto NS' back)

Barry: Sorry.

Paul: You just can't get the staff these days. Now where do you want it?

NS: What? The basement?

Paul: Yes.

NS: Well, downstairs, of course.

Paul: Ooh, there's a mistake for a start. That's much better if you have it up here on the fifth floor. (draws the arrow to make his point)

NS: What? The basement?

Paul: Much hander that.

Barry: It's no good. You have to drain it back to the workshop.

Paul: Well, get on with it then.

NS: Then, there's the executive washroom, you see.

Paul: Yes. Well, that will ought to be over here, by the canteen.

NS: But, there's no room.

Paul: Well, you move the canteen three feet that way don't ya.

NS: But that will mean that the kitchen should be out in the car park.

Paul: Yes. the chef will appreciate the fresh air.

NS: Well what if it rains?

Paul: Well tell him to a great big lid on top of the soup like that. (he draws a picture of what he's telling NS, until Barry who is having trouble with the cooler bumps into NS, causing Paul to smudge ink onto NS' shirt.) Oh, Sorry.

Barry: Oh dear.

NS: It's all right sir.

Paul: Now, we'll be off then.

NS: What?

Paul: Oh, if you start this building work, I run it past your boss first.

NS: You mean your not the boss?

Barry: No, he isn't.

NS: (lifting up the map to reveal the ink is now on the desk) Then my blueprints!

Paul: I thought you wanted my opinion.

NS: Of all the blundering Oafs.

Paul: Don't be so hard on yourself.

NS: Not me I meant you!. Now get that thing out of here! And remember...

Both: No Slacking!

NS: If I never see you two again, it will be too soon! (he tears up the blueprints and storms off, leaving the chuckle brothers confused, and then they shrug)

Paul: (he and Barry start moving the trolley) To me!

Barry: To you, then.

Paul: To me!

Barry: Steady, steady.

Paul: Steady, now.

Barry: To you! To you!

Paul: To me!

Barry: To you, then!

Paul: To me now.

Barry: Steady.

Paul: To me!

Barry: Steady. Oh, dear. Right...

Paul: To you, then. To you.

Barry: The lift's working!

Paul: Well, that's good.

Barry: Now, to you.

Paul: Hang on, to me, then.

Barry: To you.

Paul: To me!

Barry: To me.

Paul: In there!

Barry: That.

Paul: Hang on, it's stuck! We need to turn it round.

Barry: OK.

(They turn around)

Barry: That's it!

Paul: In you go. To you!

Barry: To me!

Paul: That's it, steady...

(They enter the lift...)

Paul: To you.

(...only to find NS in it)

Barry: To me.

Paul: To you.

NS: OH!

Barry: To me.

NS: Ooh, mind what you're doing with that- You!

Paul: Hello!

NS: You're not coming in MY lift.

Paul: Oh, don't worry, don't worry, it's alright. We're only going down a couple of floors. (presses the down button)

NS: And I'm taking this lot up. (presses the up button)

Paul: Down! (hits the down button again)

NS: (hits the up button again) Up!

Paul: (hits the down button again) Down!

NS: (hits the up button again) Up!

Paul: (hits the down button three more times) Down, down, down!

NS: (hits the up button three times) Up, up, up!

(The sixth strike of the up button causes the lift's buttons to explode)

Barry: Looks like we're not going anywhere.

Paul: Leave this to me. It's dead easy to fix! You press up three times, (does so) down once, (does so) and...

(The lift slowly descends)

Paul: Ha-ha! There we are!

Barry: How did you know that?

Paul: I've written it in the book.

(The lift speeds up)

All: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

(The lift speeds up even more and stops)

Barry: Who wrote the book?

Paul: Me!

Barry: I might have guessed(!)

NS: I should never have let you in here. What are we gonna do now?

Paul: Well You’re the Maintenance man, Think of something.

Barry: Hey I Know!

This transcript is unfinished. Feel free to finish it or edit it

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